The one where I talk about my weight

So I've recently started a weight loss program at a local gym and it's made me very introspective about why I want to lose weight. So as I do with almost all my personal matters, I'm gonna tell you about it:

The thing that started me thinking is that most people at the gym talk about doing this for their health, but for me that couldn't be farther from the truth.  I think that it is a very admiral reason to lose weight but every time I couldn't motivate and tried telling myself this I would fail as soon as I started. Then I got honest with myself, making sure I'm healthy enough to watch my kids grow isn't motivation for me. That sounds terrible I know, but it's my truth. My truth is also knowing I'm not promised tomorrow no matter how fit I am. The things that haunt me about an early death will (or won't) come regardless of my health. Those fears are actually what helped me put the weight on in the first place.  Knowing everyday could be my last makes it easy to say I'm going to have cake on a Tuesday because I feel like it.  It makes it easy to have a beer on a Friday night with my friends because who knows how many Friday nights you'll have with these friends.  I am a firm believer in celebrating my life. Ask anyone around me and they'll tell you as much. I like a good party and love throwing one even more. I celebrate the little moments with my family, because they are moments I wish I'd had with those gone before me. I have no shame in the way I live my life, I'm happy and gluttonous in my celebration of life.

So why change? Why fix what ain't broke? This is the part where I feel a little embarrassed but again, it's my truth, I want to be hot! I want to look in the mirror naked or clothed and think hell yes, I look good! I'm too young with too much before me to wake up everyday and feel.....meh about myself. For too long I thought as long as my man thought I was good looking it doesn't really matter what anyone else thinks (for the record he still thinks I'm hot) but I was lumping myself into that everyone else column. I want to be happy with myself.  No one else is responsible for that, and it's not fair for me to think anyone else should make me happy, I deserve to make myself happy! That is my truth. That is my reason for passing on chocolate at easter and margaritas on Friday night. This journey will take time and I'm sure there will be a learning curve, but the day will come when I look in the mirror and not just like but LOVE what I see! So cheers to living life in your truth.