Remembering

Somethings been on my mind for a while and I wasn't sure how to start talking about it, I don't think I even know yet so I'm just gonna go for it. I have now been a mother to both my boys longer then my mother was in my life. It's odd to even write it. My baby just turned 6.

I don't know why I keep thinking about it, I guess because it makes me feel like everything I do now is even that much more likely to be remembered. One of my great fears in becoming a parent was wondering if my kids would know me. Would we be together long enough for them to remember me? I have small glimpses of memories of me and my mom, my sister who is 3 years younger then me is not sure she has any. Now every passing day I am sure that I have made it into their memories, and somehow, although I'm not sure why, that scares me more. Now the fear has changed to, are these the memories you are hoping to make? Is this the way you want to be remembered? And those thoughts scare the hell out of me.

I guess I have no great advice or words of wisdom for anyone including myself except to say you get to choose how you live each day. You get to plant wonderful seeds for memories. . . if you want to. On my tough days I have a reminder I tell myself:

“The way we talk to our children becomes their inner voice.” 

-Peggy O'Mara 

I'm choosing to believe that my children will hear how amazing they are and when needed that the voice will remind them to take a deep breathe and try again. I'm hoping they will know that raising others up instead of tearing them down will only make both of them better and that bringing a smile to someones face is sometimes the nicest thing that will happen to that person that day. These are things I remember about my mother.