I am really struggling with getting back into my normal schedule. I feel like I haven't seen my friends in a long time, and like the kids haven't seen other kids in a long time. It's this weird no man land where my life is busy yet at the end of the day I ask myself what I did all day! I am trying to ease myself back into normal activities, but constantly have this fear....Fear of bringing things home and getting Jeremy sick, fear of missing the parts of the day where Jeremy feels good and wants to play, fear of getting a phone call and having to rush back to the ER! I have a lot of fear and I'm trying to work past it. Last night I was actually dreaming (or having a nightmare more specifically) about the day Jeremy called me and we went to the ER and even just going through the entire day in my dream I was freaking out when I woke up!
This Friday Jeremy has his second round of chemo and I am trying really hard to make sure that next week I will be better! I will be a better mom, and take my kids out more. I will be a better friend and make a point to interact with other mamas. I will be a better person and get myself to the gym so I feel better about myself. And I will be easier on my husband because, as he likes to remind me several times a day, he has cancer! :)