Recently I asked Jeremy what the worst thing about this last year and cancer diagnosis had been. His answer was "well besides the fear of dieing?" No that's probably bad enough I thought. And the best? "Seeing how much people love me. Strengthening friendships, and investing in the ones I have has been a lot of fun. It really has been amazing to see how much love there is around us!" was his answer. I was not entirely surprised by his answers, these are all things we have discussed previously, but I finally saw more. I understood that his life lessons were different than mine throughout this last year. I've had a fear of an early death most of my life, but the daily fear of losing my partner I still have not adjusted to. It's scary to think you wouldn't have the one person you have chosen in life to be by your side. My best? I feel I already knew my friends and family were amazing people, watching them shine has been a beautiful thing, but not the best thing about this year. For me, having Jeremy home with us, and realizing that sometimes it's ok not to work has been the icing on my cake. Don't get me wrong, Jeremy has afforded us a very comfortable life, but I was struggling with him working too much and feeling like there was no other option. Knowing that he now sees how important the other stuff is too has lightened my heart.
|Our first date after having Sawyer 3/09|