Hope

“There are no happy endings.
Endings are the saddest part,
So just give me a happy middle
And a very happy start.”-Shel Silverstein

How will our story end? We all have no idea. It's up to chance, will it be this year? We do not know, there is no magic pill to take or story to read to get that answer.  But we have faith that it won't happen until it's supposed to (whatever that means) and that those we leave behind will be in a good enough place to accept it and move forward. That all sounds great, right? Now imagine explaining that to a child. How do you explain hope? How do you explain chance? Specifically to a child.... I was faced with this last week.

Sawyer came home from school last week with what I would describe as my worst nightmare. People at school had talked about the fact not everyone with cancer lives. Or as he put it, "Is Papa gonna die?" No, is my immediate response. Of course my quick witted child comes back with "How do you know? He could!" Hmmmm....... "Well he could, you are right, BUT (and it's a big but) his doctors haven't said they think that's gonna happen. They still believe they can fix him!"  Now input long convo, with lots of tears, and a few long pauses, and more then a few uncomfortable questions here. What are you left with?  A mom who is seriously doubting herself for being honest with a six year old, but more importantly a six year old who is not filled with the fear -at least I hope.

My choice to be honest with my kids is one I struggle with on a daily basis, but so far all my truths have been filled with hope. There may come a day when my honesty is telling them something I can't bring myself to think. What happens then? My plan for if that day were ever to come is to live my life with reckless abandon. The kind of reckless abandon children should live life with everyday!