Thursday, October 16, 2014

Hide your crazy

There seems to be this thing happening in life these days where no one wants to say their life is anything but amazeballs. Seems like that's a good thing right? I mean I want my friends and families lives to be amazing, filled with love and laughter and never a hard moment, except life isn't that beautiful. Well not all the time anyway.

I've had my share of troubles and you know the one, seriously the only bright spot to being in a REALLY  shitty period, is the people who love you through it all. We all seem to be so consumed making others believe our life is exactly "as it should be" (whatever that means) that we are robbing ourselves and others of the gift of stepping up for each other. But what makes me  sadder is that we feel alone through our really hard times. Instead of reaching out and finding solace in our friends and family we retreat into our own little world where we think we are alone and no one else has been here. Maybe no one has, but chances are they will still listen and love you no matter what. We all try so hard to hide our crazy that we feel crazier then we really are.  Your crazy may not look like mine, but it doesn't mean that I don't have my own. It doesn't mean I don't understand the feelings you are having. It also doesn't mean that even if I have no idea what you are going through that I wouldn't want to be a shoulder for you to cry on or listening ear for your frustrations.

Very recently a friend told me "I'm not going to even try to explain it to you, because you would never understand. You've had it so easy!" I was so sad and hurt by this (to be fair I completely understood why he felt this way) but to not even want to talk about something that was keeping him up at night and totally stressing him out, and not want to share with close friends made me angry.  We've come to this place where we look at others lives and if it doesn't look the same as everyone else then we are now incompatible to hold deep conversations and it's sad place to be in my opinion.

When Jeremy was sick no one, and I mean no one, wanted to tell us anything was wrong with them......EVER. Once in awhile we would be able to break through the walls and get them to share a little of what was going on and we always felt good knowing we weren't the only ones having a hard time or thankful that we weren't having the problem they were having. I know that sounds selfish, but seriously every problem no matter how big or small made us feel normal and when you are in crisis feeling like you are normal is an awesome feeling.  I guess now that I've written this all out, I feel kinda silly, but I really want people to start sharing their crazy a little more. Or at least stop making it look like your life is all fuckin shits and giggles because there may be someone out there seeing it feeling shitty about their life even more after seeing how perfect, your imperfect life is.

The caption on the photo above could have read: I wasn't on this ride because I was sitting out with Sawyer while he took a time out for a bad attitude.

Or last fourth of July when I lost my kid at the parade: Finally reunited with his family.

How about, we are having a cookie together because it's too early for mom to have a beer or put the kids to bed.

All these photos were taken during non-optimal moments but guess what, I don't caption them or post them as such, I post them as look at my cute family pics. That stops now. I will still post the same cute pics or not cute pics but I will be honest about my crazy. My life is not perfect, but I choose to be apart of it everyday. I choose that this is exactly the crazy I can handle, some day it may not be, but today this is me.

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