Tuesday, March 10, 2015

Sleepless in Sacramento

Waiting must be the most terrible thing ever! Personally I hate it. I thought once you were a grown up you would either be used to to waiting, or better have much less waiting to do, but alas neither is true! You've probably already heard, but Jeremy has had a relapse. Remission lasted the longest it has with a giant 2yr reprieve, we knew he had a 50% chance of it reoccurring before the 3rd year so we can't be too shocked. Luckily it's small was caught very early and his Dr's are confident they will be able to get him back into remission quickly with a round of radiation blah blah blah.......Not one part of that is comforting me currently. Instead as we wait, wait and wait some more for Dr's appointments and to be set up for radiation my head is feeling like a black hole and my heart is spinning I  want a pause button. I want a moment of clarity. I want it for myself, I want it for my children, but mostly I want it for my husband.

Watching his head wrap around what he has yet to face is very, I repeat VERY hard to do. I can visibly see his furrowed face coming to terms with all of this. His mortality is very real to all of us. The strength he musters for mine and the kids sake is admirable and believable. Knowing NO ONE has given up on him strengthens him but life is wearing on him. We believe this is just a bump, but bumps can still sometimes stall your engine. We are trying to restart. We will restart. Nothing will stop us, but currently I want a pause button. I want a moment to breathe, and just be happy with my life.

These two goof balls keep our heads out of the clouds and keep a smile on our faces daily. Since no pause button seems to be coming my way, I will just hope for  a full nights sleep to appear on the horizon.

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