About last weekend

The whole point when I started blogging was always to share my real life. I've tried to keep it real with the good and the bad even though I'm a glass half full person I try to share the hard things in an effort to help everyone know no ones life is always rainbows. I know my last post was all "We are Amazing" and as much as I've started this post a few times wanting to share my story with a positive spin, it didn't feel honest. I stand by everything I said in the last post, it was honest when it was written and I do still feel like we are coping so much better then we have in the past but today this is also honest. 

This weekend the boys were given the opportunity to go to a Sac Republic (Sacramento's USL soccer team) with a group of counselors from Camp Kesem. The counselors reached out when they heard about Jeremy's relapse and asked if the boys would want to join them, of course the boys jumped at the opportunity and haven't stopped talking about it since. I realize I've never really talked about Kesem on the blog before and this isn't the day for that because it deserves it's own amazing review but I will say if you have children in your life who have a parent who has, had or passed from cancer look up camp Kesem. Please it will change their life! These guys showed up to pick up the boys with a whole jar of love notes from counselors. So we now have two Good Vibes Jars going in our home! Honestly this group of college kids restores all my faith in the human race every time I see them. I thought treating my boys to this fun evening was already so special but now they wake up everyday and open a little note reminding them why they matter and I just can't help but wonder how I got so lucky to be surrounded by such loving people. Camp Kesem is magic and my family is so lucky to be apart of it.

While my boys were being spoiled with some one on one time with some of their favorite people Jeremy and I used the childless night to go on a date. We had sushi with friends and it was great. The conversation was easy, as it always is with them, the food yummy and just overall it felt great to enjoy some adult conversation and time, except for some reason I just felt like I wanted to cry all night. Not one hard thing was going on but I couldn't shake the feeling of not being 100% in the moment.

The next day I spent almost the whole day taking care of myself. I spent the morning with girlfriends soaking in a jacuzzi, steaming in a sauna and just catching up with two amazing women I don't see often enough. After I came home and took a nap, spent a couple hours enjoying my family and then set off to have dinner with another lovely girlfriend I haven't seen in forever. It was a picture perfect day! I was so proud of myself for taking one day on self care. I would do this day over and over again every Sunday if I could, and yet all day I was on the verge of tears. I'm still trying to reflect on myself and figure out why I can't shake this feeling but all I know is that as much as I'd love to say we have gotten so good at this cancer life, it still sucks. 

Last weekend was a great weekend, one worth sharing about, but I'm sharing for one reason...to keep my story honest. When life is good I love sharing about it because it's fun to share my joy, but sharing my heartache is harder. I don't like to dwell on the hard parts, I think I hope that if I ignore it it might disappear faster but we all know that's not how it works. So today I'm sharing the hard parts to hopefully acknowledge it and move along. To remind myself and anyone else who may need it that just because you feel broken doesn't mean you won't heal.

Until next time -Liz