Resolutions

The year is less than one month old...did you make a resolution? Are you on track? Did you already give up? This year I didn't make a resolution and apparently this is a bold stance to some.

Yesterday I had someone ask me what my new year resolutions were and when I told her I didn't make any she said "Wow, I don't even know what kind of life you must lead to not want anything to change!" I'm not sure how exactly she got from point A to point X but nothing could be farther from the truth. All I could think was wow, where do I even begin? Do I explain all the stuff happening in my life that I want changed that no resolution will fix? In the moment I did not. I did take a moment to tell her, "My goal for 2020 is to be kinder to myself" As astounded she was that I may have no bigger goals for myself, for me that one thing is enough. I have made resolutions in past years and all that I've accomplished is the feeling of failure. Every time I am imperfectly working on a goal I focus on the failure and not the small step that was made. I am tired of feeling like a failure.

So this year instead of seeing a mountain of laundry or dishes and thinking I am not doing enough I will try to see the beautiful joy that is always having food in my belly and clothes on my body. Instead of seeing a roll or a dimple in my skin and thinking I could use a nip or a tuck I will try to see this flesh and bones that have birthed two babes, and is strong and carries me every day. While I attempt to remember that loving myself will only make me better for those around me, I will try to remember it doesn't make me selfish to love myself as I sometimes fall into the habit of thinking. I know this will not be easy for me, I know I am my harshest critic but I will try every day.

Yesterday in an attempt to be kind to myself and also do something for the greater good I donated blood. I've talked about this here before how I know the impact of a blood donation, but you may wonder how that is being kind to myself. Well...I've started inviting friends to join me! So I tripled the impact by inviting two friends but also spent an hour with two friends.  So maybe next time invite others to things you know matter, I thought it would be silly to invite someone to donate blood but both my friends eagerly jumped at the opportunity! I guess my giant words of wisdom for you are be kind to yourself. Resolution or not.

With a grateful heart,
Liz