Fair Weather Friend

There's a common theme that keeps appearing in conversations around here, friendship. Sounds simple enough, meet someone that makes you feel good, hang out, laugh, be friends. Except its so much more. Sometimes friendships are even work. I'm not talking about the people who you feel obligated to call friends, but actual people you want to see and matter to you can require something that is hard to give. 

I consider myself a good friend, I reach out when I know people are going through something. I make meals when births, illness or life has happened and people still need to eat. My house is always open to all. I strive to make everyone feel welcome the second they walk in the door. More of my holiday meals have been spent in the company of friends than family (settle down we like our family just don't live that close to any of them) as an adult. These are not measurements of good friends, these are just ways that I have been known to show up.  All these things are things I do out of love, for my friends. I feel so lucky to be able to support my friends, and I truly give all I can...when I can. 

Recently I've had to come to the hard truth that I am not that friend right now. I'm not apologizing for it, I have had to be and continue to be 100% focused on my immediate little family.  The struggle is internal. The struggle is with wanting to invite people over but knowing that the speed of my house is about 1/3 the speed of real life. The struggle is asking my family to be uncomfortable for even a minute because we all live in a state of uncomfortable most of the time right now. The struggle is not knowing when I will be that friend again. Jeremy has been in treatment for one year this month. One year, and our house is feeling it over here. We are all starting to hibernate, we are reserving our energy for the smiles you see when we have to leave our fortress. We are surviving, but I am not that friend.

Asking and then allowing people to be that friend to me is painful, but I do it anyway. I know how good I feel when I am able to help others so I remind myself that those around me also want to feel that joy, but it doesn't always make it easier. Doing hard things make my life a little easier so we push forward. Why do I feel the need to share this? I guess I'm hoping to encourage you to do whatever it is to show your love to your friends. Your smile, your hug, your little "thinking of you" text may really turn someones day around, and just because they aren't initiating doesn't mean they are less of a friend...sometimes it just means they are in the thick of it. 

Until the skies are sunnier, 

Your fair weather friend