little word to those who may not know me that well, I'm very sarcastic and would NEVER do anything to hurt my children! :)
Do you ever feel like your neighbors think you are the crazy lady next door? I do! I remember pre-children I was often very judgmental about the way women parented or acted when they became moms....Something for which I will be forever ashamed of!!! I now have that kid that only wears pj's and rain boots, and I don't care to fight with him EVERY SINGLE DAY, so I don't, and he wears them out. It's not because I am so lazy that I don't want to dress him, it's not that I take all the extra time getting myself ready, or that I favor my well dressed son who just likes to get dressed before we leave, it's the simple fact that not every thing is worth fighting about.
I remember watching the news about mom's who drowned there children, smothered them with pillows, or shot them before taking there own lives. All I could think of was how could anyone do that to a child! I still think how could anyone do that to a child, but I know now that if you were not 100% sane before you had your children, chances are you are completely insane once you had kids. Kids take so much out of you, and demand so much attention that it is easy to feel like there is no light at the end of the tunnel. It's hard to remember that this is only a stage, and that like the last stage that was driving you bonkers it too shall pass. Last week I went on anti-depressants (probably long overdue but my current situation threw me over the edge) and I already am feeling like I can handle my life better. My only reason for sharing that little fact is to encourage anyone who feels like they aren't quite themselves or like they could feel happier to seek help, it's should not be a taboo subject to say I need help. I feel like as mothers we do so much for others that we forget to take care of ourselves. My mental health is something I take for granted! :)
When Jeremy was diagnosed with cancer my sister called and asked me if I was sad that I didn't live closer at at time like this, I quickly responded "Hell NO!!!" I really like my independence from family, I like my little family unit and the network we have created for ourselves. Don't get me wrong, I'm very close to my family and we could not function with out them, but we also become so entangled that it's not good for my marriage and my family unit! She knows this about me and quickly responded "Yeah I thought you'd say that!" then proceeded "I think you should consider this your GIFT..." I was very confused "gift?" "You are not good at receiving help from others, and I think that at this time in your life you have to be open to receiving all the help that will be offered to you. It's your gift!"
So I'm taking my gift and learning to accept help from other and learning to help myself. Or at least trying to....