Wednesday, October 12, 2011

Tolerance or Acceptance

I have written before about how Sawyer wears skirts out, paints his nails, and just generally loves all things that sparkle. I honestly don't question what his sexuality is or will be when he gets older. I don't care.

I do care (as all parents do) about him being hurt. My only resistance to his choices is fear that he will be made fun of by other people. I thought of myself as accepting of his choices. I let him choose what he wore but, always warned him before he left that he may be questioned for his choice.  I never took him shopping in the girl section, or have kept my mouth quiet when he dressed and just told him how great he looked. The clothes were always things that friends and family had given us as hand me downs. In reality I was tolerant. I would allow him to leave the house in what he wanted but didn't truly accept that this is his choice.

Today I'm choosing to grow as mom and accept that I will not be able to protect my son forever. He will be hurt in this life, but hopefully not by me.  I will be here for him when he has had a bad day, but will tell him that he is beautiful, that he has his own style and that being unique is hard but being honest about who you are is always worth the pain.

This is the bag of shoes we cleared out of the boys closet. Granted some just didn't fit anymore, but some were shoes that Jeremy and I liked but that the boys didn't like or fought us on every time we got them dressed.

These are the shoes that Oliver now wears. The pair of gold shoes were passed on to us from a friend, and the converse I bought him. I wanted him to have a pair of tennis shoe he could wear on a daily basis and found these, he couldn't be happier. He has taken after his brother in his love of sparkly things. Honestly it doesn't surprise me, girl stuff is way funner! Having sparkly shoes is kinda cooler than having a spiderweb on your shoes.

These are Sawyer's new shoes. I recently bought him the glitter shoes, after Oliver got his pair, and he was extremely jealous. It was in that moment that I realized I had never bought him something like that before and seeing the excitement on his face was worth it! The twinkle toe ones we bought together. He again was so thrilled that he was allowed to go and pick out shoes that HE liked. He tried on 4 different pairs of girls shoes, and in the end these were his favorite. 

My heart may be broken in the future because of things that are said to my son, but humanity might surprise me and embrace him with open arms like I have.


  1. Well, our little sample size of humanity sure has embraced it!!!

    This little decision {that really isn't} speaks to how wonderful you and Jeremy are as parents :) Your boys are lucky to have you both.

  2. That is wondeful Liz! I hope humanity surprises you too!

  3. People can be harsh and sometimes downright mean If it isn't comments on hair, makeup, clothes it's something else. Boy or girl, we all have to hear nasty things that cause us and our parents pain. Teach the boys to be strong and kind and they will also grow up to be awesome people, just like you!

  4. Liz, this post struck such a chord. I have so many pictures of my boys dressed up in their girlfriends dresses and shoes. Only now are they beginning to say things like, "That is for girls not boys." Anyhow, I have this great book called "It's A Boy: Women Writers on Raising Sons," and there is a short story in it about this very same topic. If you are interested you can borrow it!