Sunday, January 10, 2016

Life of fear

I live my life based on fear.  Fear of failure, fear of success, fear of losing someone, fear of disappointing, fear of being left out.  Somewhere in the back of my mind with every decision I make I'm afraid of something. I think this is why I've always been a sucker for peer pressure.  It's easy to blame your bad decisions on someone else and you didn't get left out of the fun along the way. You see I am totally afraid of most things....but fear never (ok almost never) stops me. It's the motivating factor usually.  I have in the past used my fear and peer pressure to do things I knew I shouldn't, recently I've decided to use this to better myself.

I've let my friends pressure me into running a half marathon.  Do you see what I said? I LET them. I'm acknowledging that this is my choice.  I'm choosing to run a half marathon beside some pretty awesome peeps.  This is scary and actually in my head sounds super stupid! Why in the hell would someone, anyone, ok mainly me....Why in the hell would I choose to spend money to run 13.1 miles? DUMB!!   I am fully aware of how dumb this sounds, but honestly I'm scared I won't be able to, and for once I'm using my friends pressure to my benefit and jumping.  Then I will have one less thing to be afraid of.  I'm hoping when I'm old and grey I will be afraid of nothing. I will fall asleep every night knowing that I can do anything, because I've already done everything.

Today I ran my first training run. It was only 3 miles, but I ran it all.  These little feet carried me, and they will carry me further.  Happy Sunday mi gente!

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